Here's a couple of things I expect out of an 80s cult movie.
First, let's say what this does deliver on for me. A specialty of the 80s low-budget is practical special effect that go ludicrously far over the top. The budget and materials are such that you're not going to believe what you're seeing anyway, so you might as well be impressed with the imagination of it all. Think early Peter Jackson and Sam Raimi, or more specifically the big dreaming nobodies who loved them. This movie sits on these effects mostly until the end of the movie, but they are absolutely worth it.
Then there's the requisite dance in a club to synth scene. It was sensual, it was neon, it was disturbing and weird. Done, done, and done. Villain from Princess Bride, who knew you could be a sexy beast.
But, then for me comes the real test for an 80s movie. The eccentric characters. The memorable dialogue. I watched it yesterday and I don't remember a single quote that wikipedia didn't tell me to. I answered my phone "Thrill me," for days after seeing Night of The Creeps.
Right, the aged horror TV host the hero idolizes...he's got less charisma than Detective Cameron's ceiling fan from that movie. The kids themselves? They're hardly the knowledgeable equivalent the Frog Brothers or the Monster Squad, nor do they inspire much sympathy like Ash or Nancy Thompson before they wise up. When those characters are in peril, you feel desperate fear because they're quirky and lifelike and likeable. These ones, not so much.
There's just the tongue-and-cheekness I've come to expect from 80s cult movies that was missing from this. Bummer.
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